1. Shortened the list of things not to do if you want to be President.
2. Made the White House white again.
3. Brought the ignorant and bigoted back to the policy making table.
4. Agreed to remake Green Acres as a White House reality show. Theme song excerpts: “Wash DC is the place for me/Making billions skewing policy/Tanks spreading out so far and wide/Failing Washington Post, you’ve got nowhere to hide.”
“No, New York is vhere I’d radder stay/I’ll die if Baron goes to Georgetown Day/I just adore my penthouse milieu/Darlink, I love you, but I love Jeter, too.”
5. Put Ivanka in and kept Chelsea Clinton and her Jew husband out of the White House. We all know what happens with Clintons and Jews of another gender in the West Wing.
6. Provided a replacement for the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Circus.
7. Extended the Obama First Couple tradition of one American and one foreigner.
8. Promoted equality by proving that an Ivy League diploma doesn’t make you better than anyone else.
9. Returned US to the International Leaders Crazy Hair List at number two, behind North Korea’s Kim Jong-un.
10. Ended discrimination against the privileged.
Totally globalized native New Yorker and former broadcast news producer Muhammad Cohen is a blogger for Forbes, editor at large for Inside Asian Gaming and author of Hong Kong On Air, a novel set in his adopted hometown during the 1997 handover about television news, love, betrayal, high finance, and cheap lingerie. See his bio, online archive and more at www.muhammadcohen.com; follow him on Facebook and Twitter @MuhammadCohen.